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I learned a lot through what we had, and I really did and still do love you.

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You treated me Housewiges than anyone I've ever met, which is something I will never forget or take for granted in my life again. I wish I would've worked harder at making things work.

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I think about what I lost every single day, and it still hurts. It hurts worse than public embarassment or going to jail.

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I did what I did out of a place of desperation and selfishness. I wish I would've told you that I was unhappy outright, because I knew you were.

I wasn't man enough to communicate with you. I'm sorry for afterwards, when you may have been working on forgiving me in some capacity - when I acted totally selfish towards you. It must've appeared that I was back into my old habits of drinking and tuning you out.

I'm sorry for trying to push you into hanging out with me again when you clearly weren't ready or comfortable enough to associate with me again.

I think the main problem that I had in everything was total self absorption and in neglecting that you are someone who also has feelings and needs.

I did the same thing to a lot Housewivew friends who were never as special to me as you were in their time of need.

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I was very depressed and let the root causes of what made me depressed pile up. My friends moved away, my hobby was taken away from me, I hated my job, and we weren't getting along.

Something had to give eventually. I had a great couple of years of my life alongside you that were absolutely fucking great and I was doing exactly what I wanted to be doing every day.

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Everything seemed perfect, and I was happier then I ever thought I would be. When shit hits the fan and the inevitables in life start happening distance, change in priorities I chose to slide down the slope Real fwbwith passion of coping with the things that were happening to me and to us.

I chose to deny the fact that "you can't always get what you want". When you left, things started seriously going bad for issues in my family, and I have had to deal with things xex my life that don't involve thinking about my own happiness.

I want you to know that.

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I have more perspective now, and a chance to be better every day while I am here. I choose to be happy. I do hhot we Find Laytonville made it work.

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I'm glad that I fucked up so bad because I needed to be humbled. I don't expect repair from anything at this Housswives, I stopped hoping that you'd communicate with me again a while ago. I just wanted to say those things to you before I die.

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